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Feeling very dry now... zzz...

About 3 weeks ago, during Saturday's yoof service, Elder Edwin Chua was sharing on Philippians 4, about "A Contented Life".

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (v7) And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6-7

God hit me during that sermon, about that time last year where I tried to get outta my "hellhole of a school" (as I thought it was, at that time) to enter NUS High for Math and Science. Obviously I failed to pass the final test... I was like very dissapointed with God at that time 'cos I kept feeling that God wants me in NUSHMS... I was so angry with God at that time, so much so that if He was standing in front of me I would have punched him (that kinda anger). And after the sermon, during the altar call, I went up and just asked God "What do you want me to do??? Why am I here for???" Elder Edwin came later and told me that God will accomplish my heart's desires.

My definition of "Heart's desire" is NOT AN ELECTRIC GUITAR! That is a want... Heart's desire is... beneficial to everybody. I dunno, cos a week before the message, I shared in my CG class that I wanted to share God's abounding and unfailing love to my entire class (in JSS). At that time it sounded stupid and lame. But after the service, it sounded reasonable and I thought I could do it.

Last Sunday, during my personal worship, I felt that desire coming back... Thanked God for it and I was ready... or so I thought. The next day came SS and A math. I think I totally screwed up in my papers and as the week went by, I felt worse and worse. The devil was like mocking me, asking me "You believe that God is with you wherever you are. Where is He during your exams? You are gonna flunk your exams! Blame God for not helping you! You always asked God for His guidance before each test, but see? You end up feeling demoralised. Don't ask God for help lah! Rely on yourself!" and so on. It's like... BAM... the hammer whacked me on the head so hard...

Did not go for youth today... got an uber headache cos of the QA... Tried to study, but could not... Felt so dry(spiritually) and God was like not there with me... I also sinned a lot. Trust me, no one in this earth is guiltless. The partial reason why I did not go to Yoof was because I felt that I could not face God... My sins are like as high as the Smoky Mountains...

"Forgive me God for hiding from You. I should come straight to You instead of running from You. Because when I run from You, the devil hits me with a shotgun. God, forgive me of my sins. Let Your revival fire fall on us God. In the name of Jesus, amen."

Just now, I remembered a preacher's words about trusting God.

'When you trust God, trust Him with the little things first. If you can trust God with the little things, you can trust Him with the big things. For example, you tell God today "God, I take my NAPHA exam today. God I trust that You would give me strength to pass" and God will give it to you. Once you feel that God helps you when you trust Him, you can trust Him with bigger issues, for example, "God, I trust You that my O level results will be satisfying to You. Let Your will be done, not mine." Trust Him with all your heart. And God will make things happen. '

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered."(23) I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. (24) Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. (25) And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you of your sins" ' Mark 11:22-25

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13

"Cause You paid the price, I give you my life. I'm Yours"