We are living in sin. I tried my best not to do anything sinful today... only to realise that I still ended up doing it.

Which shows all the more we cannot do anything without the help of Jesus.

Sometimes, I really wished that God can just take me back to Him. It would be, like, so much better if I left this world. I keep relishing in sin, letting it grab me deeper-rooted into sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 claims that "No temptation has seized you except for what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

Even sometimes I get morbid thoughts, like "God has abandoned me" or "I'm alone... Jesus have just passed me by." Honestly... sometimes I feel that God does not love me anymore because of all the sin I'm buried in.

Jesus loves me this I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.

Yes Jesus loves me,
yes, Jesus loves me,
yes, Jesus loves me,
the Bible tells me so.

This old Sunday School song just hit me... as in literally, while I was typing, it just came to me. Jesus loves everyone, that is the truth. But it is difficult to believe that for me for the past few days. I am so... not what Jesus would want me to be, that's why its tough to believe that Jesus still loves me.

Here is the pre-chorus and chorus of the song "This Is Our God", which stood out to me.

And I will fall at Your feet
I will fall at Your feet
And I will worship You here

Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
This is our God
Lifted on high, from death to life
Forever our God be glorified
Servant and King
Rescued the world
This is our God

Will post up the songs soon... Cannot load Imeem.

Jesus gave up his life for us. He gave it up so we can live.

I'm feeling rather mood-swing thing now. It's like, half-an-hour ago I was happy, and then suicidal, and now sad and angry combined. My friend told me it was emotions and hormones. But could it be the devil's subs trying to wedge an obstacle in my relationship with God? Damn the sub hit me hard enough liao, if you read my last few posts, you would understand what I mean.

Sometimes I really wished that I could have died in any accident, road, or poisoned etc. and just run to God, crying like crazy.

Yesterday, during Chris Hope's message, I learnt that in every problem, God gave us a promise. During the altar call, I felt like going to the altar and just crying to God, but could not, since I was at the keyboard at that time. No other choice, so when everyone were singing the songs, I was just weeping while playing. Pastor Chris called for "Anyone who has been hurt by others" for the altar. I got wounded by a lot of people. It is just that I do not have the courage to stand up for myself. Call me a coward but I cannot fight back. I am really a weakling.

Last year, I was very vengeful about little things and I always wanted to have destruction powers and just slaughter anyone that had hurt me. They are everywhere.

I have no idea what I'm talking thru the post... but I'm feeling much better after putting it up. Yes, my thoughts are already organised.