Sometimes, I doubt in what I believe in. Other times, I do something wrong and I fear to return back to God.

Why is it so difficult? I want to not do that, but my flesh's desire overcame me.

Everytime I do something wrong, I always want to siam from God... although all efforts are futile.

Yet I want to show the world that I am a Christian. Who am I kidding? I always get hyped up whenever I step into churches (unless it is a cult, then I'm uneasy and I want to get the hell out). I get high and start yelling/air guitaring/air drumming (may be all happening at the same time) whenever I hear a Christian song being played.

The other time in the gym, I was listening to this song (posted above) titled "My Hero"... followed by other songs, Redeemer, Majesty, Lift Up Your Name etc. ... and I just started leaping around the gym, viewing the hyper worship leaders that actually performed the songs in my head.

Luckily there was only my sister in the gym and there was no one else around.

If anyone knows a good psychologist with a good rate, recommend him/her to me.

Am I a fanatic? Maybe I am being over-zealous.